Sunday 27 May 2012

Page 15

Rainbow: wake up, and answer me this: what are these silverfish, and why are they important to me? Are they like you? Are they yours? Are they mine? I squish some of them with my teeth, but I can't taste them. I wonder if they turned in to tasteless rainbow powder. Are they their own entities? Do they have a purpose? Do I? Rainbow, help me. I think I'm lost here. I'm scared to go back to the Green Cave, but I don't feel comfy here anymore. Anymore. I.. I'm nested in a cloud of rainbow silverfish? What the fuck. How high am I? Hey, I hate those things... Ew. But, but, butttt. They ARE important somehow. I can tell. I feel it, and I know you do, too.


"What's all this shit about silver fish? He ain't goin' camping. I don't get where he thinks he is. Y'know, after seeing this guy fuckin' blitzed, I'm tempted to try this shit..." Bill picks his nose, wiping the snot on a bar towel. "I don't think I could, not with knowing what's in it, and who made it."

"The tempted go to Hell.. that's just the usual bullshit trap..."

"Did we pick up a fundie, or is it just me?" Bill flicks my nose. "Goddamn, man. What the fuck are you seein' that we're not?"

Rainbow, what will happen when you leave me? Will I be all alone with these guys, and the Terrible Tools wielded by Travis and Bill, the Total Tool Two? Rainbow, I know that these bugs are important, at least, I think so.You keep diverting me elsewhere -- back to reminiscences of my childhood, once a nice memory of the best sex I ever had. You have no mind, but you're manipulative. I'm starting to think that you are God, and that you don't like me much. I hesitate to name you with certainty. My life is a festering bowl of questions, doubt and error. I'm never right; I'm never in the loop. You never help me, either. You let the confusion permeate, and destroy my hope. I'm so far out of the box that the box doesn't even apply anymore. You're doing it again, sending me on a Self-Discovery Roadtrip, to divert me from the Silverfish. I'm on to you, motherfucker. The Silverfish -- why won't you let me know? I'm going to die anyway, you might as well let the cat out of the bag. I promise I won't tell -- who could I? Oh, they're important, alright. You've let me know that much. They're linked to the Truth -- ha, you hid that, but I figured it out again. Or, did you let me? Please, just tell me why I need them, why they essentially sum up the Life of Joe? Or, at least, my need to understand them. This festering bowl is a salad, and your blatant attempt to steal my train of thought from me is the goddamn raspberry vinaigrette. I will feed this to Bill, then feed my severed bits to Travis. I will make them taste my agony, by God...

Rainbow? God..? Am I coming down now? Are you letting me out..?

"So, he's threatenin' to feed us salad, dig. Then, he's askin' me if  I'm goin' to let him go. This has to be good shit. This guy is totally tripping balls."

Ahh, Bill. Can't you see that Travis isn't listening..?

"Actually, motherfucker, I'm yellin' up the stairs to him; just because you can't see Travis, it doesn't mean he ain't around."

I think Bill is talking to himself, just to fuck with me. There is no Travis. The Rainbow ate him.

"Trav -- I'm actually gettin' a dialogue goin' with him. C'mon down, I think he's ready." This time, I actually notice that Bill is yelling up the stairs. Hey, stairs. Maybe if I yell real loud, someone up there/outside will hear me?

Hey, Rainbow? Are you still listening? There?

At this point, it dawns on me that though I can still see the colors of Friend Rainbow, that fellow traveler is no longer exactly with me. It can't protect me anymore. I can't see Bill, either, but hell.. the rainbow is still pretty -- faded, but pretty. The silverfish have fled. I think that that's the last time I'll ever see a silverfish. I'm going to die: here, now. I will never unlock their cosmic purpose, I will die unfulfilled. I could pretend they were some Daisies pipe-dream, but I wish they were still here for me to study. They were symbolic; I got that much. Apparently, my life sucks, symbolized by the grimiest part of my life. I am one hell of a loser, if silverfish are the meaning of my life, and that that's about as grand as my spiritual awakening gets, on death's door. They will symbolize the scourge of urban drudgery, the infestation of domestication; social norms that don't apply to me, a society that allowed me to wither, and die, alone and unawakened. Alone, even away from the dreaded silverfish. Even Jill left me...

Jill? I must be feeling more with-it. I'm guessing that they fed me a bunch of Daisies in the car. All it did was fuck me up more, me thinks. I'm somewhat pleased that though I'm going to die here, I'm ruining their night for fucking with the Mighty Joe Collins. I may not die a martyr, but I die knowing I fought back.

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