Page 16

Silverfish will take over the goddamn world, I tell you. One moist bathroom at a time. Seriously.

"Fuck it, he's back to rambling about the fish again."

Travis comes down the steps, watching me all the way down.

I've lost the silverfish. Now the rainbow's colors seem alien and wrong. They're not threatening yet, but they're definitely not right. I won't dignify it with more questions, if it won't answer my fuck-ton from before. Where do I go without the Rainbow protecting me? I can't stay here, not like this. I don't want to end my shitty life here, with strangers and power tools. I keep waiting for the Rainbow to reassure me, but I'm right, and it stays stubbornly silent. Thanks, man.

"Clip the big toe. I think he's getting drunk off the Daisies, this go." Travis sits down in his swivel chair, gives it another spin. He stops on a slant to me, eying me up. "He's either intensely tough, or he's fucking hiiiiiiiiiigh as shit." He reaches to the wet bar counter, grabbing his unfinished presumed-rum. He takes a gasping sip, sighing after he swallows. "This is one hellova gig, hey, Bill?"

I don't actually feel it, Travis is right. The drunk feeling swarms my body, filling me with warmth and delusional immortality. I bet I'm smiling, but I'm too drunk to guess what the look on my face really is. I hear a slice, coupled with a tortured, long crunchy-crack. The drunk feeling takes over spots of my consciousnesses. I can feel loss, disbelief, and a deep hunch of unfairness. I sit inside my mind; I'm in black, black with so much white noise.Somewhere in this mental room, someone is screaming, and making inhuman squealing noises. There's frenzied laughter, and I hope for a moment that none of these people are me. The voice grows husky. I feel it in my throat, somewhere in the roar of the noise; the abyss is as dark as ever. Maybe it was Bill screaming? He cut off his own toe, maybe -- the doof. Maybe it was Travis squealing. Alcohol poisoning? Naw. That leaves me, laughing like a nutter. That can't be me, no. It's just not my laugh.

Focus swims in, delivering me a picture of red moisture. Is that my nose? Am I crying blood? Did Jill come back to haunt me?

No. In waves, I start sensing parts of my body throbbing with loss and tourniquets. One moment, I'm marveling at the thrumming, almost hyper beat within myself. Next, I'm aware of a pain so consuming and obsessive that I wonder how I went without noticing it before. Volume spikes, dropping the veil of distraction. That subhuman voice of utter agony is my own: I'm forming nonsense words of protest, trying to pray my pieces back on; garbled cries to an ignored god I'd forgotten about. Apparently God shares the favor, right back. Thanks.

"Oh, hell. Trav! Did you hear that one? He thanked us. I think he's not just stoned, but also fuckin' nuts."

I'd marvel at this too, but what HASN'T been marveled at by me, by now? It's like rediscovering the whole universe. Being stoned makes my whole life flash before my eyes, too. How long this part of the journey has gone on is totally a mystery to me.

"Well, it's almost 5 now. We've been here since 9 AM," Travis tells me.. or Bill.That doesn't make sense. It was like 9 PM when they nabbed me. I remember -- it was dark. Or was it? It must have been -- I saw neon signs.

A few thoughts bubble up and pop inside me. The murk of drunkenness filters back through my system,  giving me unwarranted confidence. The pain leeches away for a warm throbbing to take over. I find myself still tied to this executioner's throne, but internally, I'm flying elsewhere. Fuck this shit; skip this scene. A sloshy logic tells me I am impervious here. I don't even get why I'm in this chair, wherever it is. How did I get there? Why? Something about money, but I don't have any on me. They can't want my $500,000 because I owe it to no one. They lose on this front here: nothing adds up, and nothing will come to them. Will I die, willing to save that $500,000? That's useless...

"Did you just call me a loser, douche?" Travis gets in to my face, a cigar hanging over his lip.